"A GAY STUDY"

by Gr Ch Typha Dark Enigma aka Rosemary Alger
1990

When it came down to the 'nitty gritties' my poor owners thought I was a gay Burmese! It was terribly embarassing for them - but I suppose I ought to start from the beginning.

(Pr. Typha Bambi Ahminah and Gr. Ch. Dark Enigma)

I was 'created' to be a beautiful, affectionate, genetically sound boy. Great stud potential I heard say - quite a tall order! So I gathered I was going to be someone rather special. Things turned out very well to start with. As I was growing up many admirers came and commented on the fact that I was a very 'well-endowed' lad with a strongly developed profile. Obviously an asset, but I was slightly confused when having said this people lifted up my tail rather than my chin, but you know how strange humans can be!

Gradually the matter of marriages became more dominant in the conversation and there was much lifting of my tail. In fact this was becoming a regular feature that I was beginning to wonder whether I had misinterpreted my future, and that I was destined to be a water pump rather than a stud cat!! I mulled this over and decided that this must be the case - so the next time my tail was lifted I sprayed. I had obviously got it right as everyone got very excited and said what a clever lad I was. With such praise I sprayed everywhere.

I then got confused again. They now didn't seem as keen on the water pump idea as they had at first implied and I got banned outside, with my male Burmese neuter friend 'Bambi' for company. He had helped to bring me up and was ever so kind and washed me lots and I loved him like a mother. Although his water pump equipment was rather flat, he had the knack of spraying down to a fine art, and he and I had some lovely competitions marking the runs and practising being water pumps. This was a lovely time in my life and I was very happy, then things all changed again!

One morning my lovely 'Mum' was taken away from me and a screaming howling female was substituted. I knew her from my early days in the kitchen, but she had seemed quite nice then and certainly not as noisy. Not only was she noisy, but she was very pushy as well and kept putting her backside in my face. Well, I ask you, I was totally embarrassed and retired to my bed in the hope she would go away. After a couple of days I was delighted to say they took her away and I looked forward to seeing my 'Mum' again. Horror of horrors, it wasn't Bambi who walked through the door, but another screaming female. I couldn't believe it. Hadn't they got the message the first time?! I went on a hunger strike and she finally went away. Peace at last!

Two days later I saw them approaching with another cat, larger than the females and one I didn't know. They were obviously wary of how I would react to this visitor and hung around a lot. They need not have worried. Directly I realised it wasn't a screaming girl. I was delighted to have company and we got down to a washing session. Maurice, as he was called was slightly different to Bambi in that he had the same sized water pump equipment as I did, but other than that he made a super 'mother' substitute and I was very happy again.

Not content to leave things as they were, the humans had to yet again interfere and before long another of the screaming females was introduced. Of course I went straight to bed! My friend obviously couldn't stand the noise either and decided to squash her, probably working on the bellow principle of flattening all the air out. Anyway it seemed to work. There was this ghastly scream, like a bagpipe being deflated and he got off her and she shut up. Fantastic! I admire him. I went rushing up and in order to show my appreciation, I washed him. When she started up again, he used the same method and shut her up. I began to quite enjoy the routine, the camarada of washing him afterwards was so pally it made me feel part of a team and I was happy again.

Everything was fine, but oh, those humans! Once more they interfered and they took my friend away. I was everso lonely. I played water pumps but it wasn't much fun on my own. I heard them saying I couldn't have Bambi back as he would have to be re-tested and they didn't know what to do with me. They were telling people it was a disaster as I appeared to be gay. This was a lie to start with. The last thing I felt was gay. Each time I was happy, they took my friend away and put a screaming female in with me. Hardly likely to make me feel gay! Depressed more like! Humans really do have some strange ideas.

Then to rub salt in the wound they put yet another of the screaming females in with me and there was no one to shut her up. So I squashed her and she shut up! It was fun so I did it agian - and again. My humans were delighted and said I was not gay after all. Can they never get it right? I found I enjoyed squashing her and it made me gay - the gayest I had been in my life!!