"LAZY DAYS "

by Rosie Alger
1994

Our home is full of cats we adore but didn't intend to keep - and "Lazy" is a prime example. He was booked to a Burmese-orientated couple, but sadly the man had a stroke and after a period in hospital they decided they couldn't manage, so Lazy was available. By this time, we had kept him too long and had become very fond of him, so although I offered him to people it was only half-heartedly, and I encouraged them to have other kittens.

Time flew; he was over six months and a friend asked me when he would be ready for stud!! We realised it was "make your mind up time" so we had a chat and admitted that we both secretly wanted to keep him! No more pretence - he had a home, so I filed away his transfer form.

Why was he called "Lazy"? Very simple really. He was a big fat slob who didn't walk anywhere when he could be carried. People would come in the gate and he would stretch up their legs and wait to be picked up. Once ensconced in someone's arms, there he stayed until they left, a heavy floppy jelly-mould of purring love. The number of people I have seen carrying this enormous weight around with their arms aching is hilarious; loath to put him down for fear of hurting his feelings!

Having decided officially that he was staying, he joined the "munch bunch". A delightful collection of innocent teenagers, Bengals and Burmese, who raced around the grounds during the day and had a large family house to sleep in at night. We called it "the age of innocence house." He loved it. His best pal was Nighthawk, a beautiful black and gold marble entire male Bengal, who was just a couple of months older than him and they raced from one end of the garden to the other, spending the nights in each others arms.

Suddenly we realised "the age of innocence" had passed as one of the girls had pink nipples1 This wasn't a disaster as Nighthawk was the mating we had intended - it was just a lot earlier than we had expected and we didn't know the date, which was worrying. The vet confirmed our diagnosis and we kept a close eye on her. We felt it would be some time yet as she was only just showing, but to be on the safe side we immediately put another heated bed in the pen and extra blankets.

Two days later, when Barrie went in to feed them, he heard a squeaking. His immediate reaction was how on earth had a mouse got into the house. He then saw a single, large, newly-minted kitten marching around the bed yelling its head off. All the teenagers rushed to its aid. Lazy got there first and threw himself on his back presenting his chest. The kitten rushed up it, nuzzling the red fur, obviously found a nipple and proceeded to try and suckle. Lazy's face was a pciture. Bliss! HE was a mother!

The whole house took on the kitten. The real father, Nighthawk, was adorable with it and very proud, but Lazy was addicted. He couldn't leave it alone. It only had to squeak once and he was on his back offering his facilities. When its mother fed it, he was cuddling her, with his head on the kitten's little back so as not to lose contact - it was pathetic! By the time it was ten weeks old, Lazy was old enough to be interested in girls himself, but all he wanted was "his" kitten.

Quite a few of my friends had expressed interest in Lazy as a future stud for their queens, so I reluctantly separated him. The young lady chosen to show him the ropes was an experienced sweet-natured blue Burmese. Although he was upset at being taken away from his family, he thought she was jolly nice and washed her. She felt relaxed and gave a strong call. He was galvanised into action. This was something he understood. Crying meant a hungry mouth. He threw himself onto his back and presented his nipples - come and get me! Needless to say I had a very confused girl on my hands - "this is not normal", I could see written all over her face, as she backed away!

She was quite right - it was not normal! The stud house was next to the shed i was using as an office so I could watch as I was working. I saw an amazing picture unfold before my eyes. She tried everything to encourage him to do things correctly. I even saw her struggling to pull him upright by his scruff although he was almost twice her size. Unfortunately, all that happened was that directly she let go he collapsed back on his back again, purring loudly!

The next effort on her part was to jump on his back and try and mate him. She was obviously trying to show him what he should have been doing! However, he just collapsed down slowly, rolled over and presented his tummy again.

Her next ploy was to back her bottom into his face. He must have thought that was very rude because he retired into the house. She stayed outside disgusted with him and decided to call to the other boys instead. As soon as she had let out a couple of shouts, he was straight out the cat flap and threw himself on the ground infront of her "milk bar" avaialble. I think that must have been the final straw before her pride took precedent, because she raised her paw and gave him a real whoppa to the face and then departed in a huff through the cat flap.

That didn't go down at all well and I saw a very angry Lazy rush through after her. I was just leaving the office to go and separate them when my phone rang. It was a friend with a problem - I had to listen, but I kept one ear open for murder next door. Suddenly my office shook and the thuds and crashes through the wall were horrendous. I dropped the phone and raced round throwing open the door to see a very smug Lazy cleaning his "parts" and the "young lady" throwing herself around the floor, walls and shelves in ecstasy.

For those interested, we now have an extremely "laid-back" red Burmese male at stud, who thinks he is a milk bar, but can be converted with hefty punch. Can you do better?